thoughts

i've been thinking lately.

i guess that's a good thing, but at the same time, who knows anymore? have i got good goals set out for myself? what the heck have i done with four years in high school? where am i going? when will i know? and then but a whisper of a question hits me so hard i nearly fell off my chair and onto my tush. "who am i? "

we all remember those words made famous by comedic hero derik zoolander, but i think this can and very well should be taken in a much more serious light. the problem is.. well i just don't know anymore. my life's been taking changes; its frightening. i look around, everyone seems to be so set into their little niches. but what of me? am i the puzzle piece with a bunch of sides to fit in all the groups i associate with, or just that little piece that you always see but the colors don't quite match up, and the edges are curved just the wrong way. 

here's what i've come up with in these few minutes:

my name is trevor todd brown.

i belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

i have a family that loves me.

i go to tesoro high school, where i have friends near and dear to my heart. 

i've always been a 'part' of ASB, whether they like it or not i'm here to stay.

i'm on the tesoro surf team, which ended up being more like i'm a member of the group of kids that goes down to the beach to surf together tuesday and thursday.

i love dance parties.

i love the beach. 

i procrastinate.

i hang out with foothill friends more than my own family, therefore they are my family.

i look up to so many people, i feel my neck cramp sometimes.

its arguable that i am a 'facebook whore'.

i love to write, to express myself.

sometimes i think i'm schizophrenic, or that i just need a wider audience. 

sometimes i catch myself. 

i look to the future about as much as the past.

i am scared. 

i honestly don't know why i'm being so open. 

i know a lot of stuff. i can reason out a lot more. but there's  so much to learn, i can't wait to soak it in.

that'll do for now. 

i got a little sidetracked, but it worked out.

i want to try something new.. boycott facebook. not for anyone but myself. i need a break. i need to look to myself a little more often; i'll need help.